Old Man Henderson

1.5M ratings
277k ratings

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
onlyinankhmorpork
vysogotaofcorvo

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IN A DISTANT and second-hand set of dimensions, in an astral plane that was never meant to fly, the curling star-mists waver and part . . .

See . . .

"GNU Sir Terry Pratchett" - L-Space Wiki / Ursula K. LeGuin / "Terry Pratchett" - Wikipedia / "GNU" - Urban Dictionary / Going Postal by Terry Pratchett / Reaper Man by Terry Pratchett / Brandon Sanderson / Paul Kidby / The Colour of Magic by Terry Pratchett

ice-block
possiblyawesometmblr

my brain just spat out what is simultaneously the best and worst potential end credit scene for fnaf

a bunch of cops are surveying the inside of the wreckage of freddy's. there's dead bodies. they're taking pictures. chatting amongst themselves. whatever. one guy in a detective style trenchcoat is standing off to the side. his back is to the camera. one of the cops breaks away and approaches the detective guy.

"so, what do you think happened here?"

"i'm not sure."

the entire audience freezes in horror as they realize. they know that voice. the camera pans around to face the guy, and slowly. matpat removes the sunglasses he's wearing indoors.

"but i have a theory."

smash cut to black. the theater collapses, killing me, in the audience, instantly--

husborth
husborth

you're all doing star wars time travel fix-it fics wrong. it's way funnier if no one knows what they're doing

  • thirteen year old leia organa gets thrown back in time to become obi-wan's clone wars era padawan on the same day ahsoka is assigned to anakin. talk about complicated family relationships, when you're apprenticed to your biological father's brotherdad (is he your grandpauncle?) who is besties with your other dad who is besties with your biological mother, and also you don't know any of this. you get bonus points if you figure out how to describe a thirteen year old leia murdering the chancellor with a brick. also i can't decide if it's funnier if she gets assigned as anakin's padawan or is obi-wan's. i really can't pick.
  • shmi skywalker wakes up after ROTJ to two traumatized grandchildren and luke trying to awkwardly explain oh, oh, so you didn't.... see..... your son....? after he was nineteen? well, see, there's - a thing, you know, that, he did. a couple things. just a few. and they were maybe not so good, is the thing. and then there's a complete creation of zany hijinks trying to avoid breaking the news to her that her son killed people for fun.
  • alternatively, shmi skywalker comes back from the dead in her son's lava castle, and her son disposes of the emperor post haste and then crowns her empress, like an evil momma's boy. but he also fails to explain to her that he is her son. she's very confused.
  • post-ESB luke skywalker gets thrown back to the era of the jedi apprentice novels and replaces qui-gon as baby-wan kenobi's jedi master...... and he's had only about two weeks of jedi training and a bad duel with a sith lord. fake it til you make it king, THAT THIRTEEN YEAR OLD OBI-WAN KENOBI BELIEVES IN YOU
  • the classic revenge of the sith time travel fix-it, except it's han solo and chewbacca sent to fix it, and what should ensue is han and chewie running into the senate and promptly bowling over a team of jedi masters who are three minutes from their untimely deaths. imagine running full tilt back to the jedi temple to meet Baby Darth Vader as he cries forlornly at a window. chewie has the most intense moment of IT WAS THAT GUY? HE WAS JUST SOME GUY
  • ESB era yoda gets knocked backwards to TPM, and what follows is yoda trying to drive-by assassinate a nine year old and then continually getting stopped by himself. i call this one "why are you kidding yourself." similarly, throw clone wars era palpatine into the future with current emperor palpatine. vader defects out of fear that the two of them will team up to rip out the rest of his organs or something.
  • old ben kenobi was expecting to duel darth vader on the death star....... and ends up dueling a baffled count motherfucking dooku. similarly, qui-gon jinn waltzes into the clone wars on a mission to ask his former master What, Pray Tell, The Fuck, and everyone goes off the shits about it. also similarly, thirteen year old ahsoka was dueling general grievous one moment, and the next she's dueling......... whomst the fuck is this wheezy aluminum bin. consider substituting thirteen year old ahsoka for a thirteen year old obi-wan to achieve new levels of It's Complicated.
  • ESB era leia gets punted back in time to TPM and decides to take the chancellor down by becoming his personal aide and snooping through his business to take him down. it goes - it goes in a direction, definitely. no one warned her nine year old vader would be around.
oldmanhenderson69

Absolutely loving the imagery of Darth Vader, Evil Space Wizard Muderblender Extraordinaire, coming back to his evil lava castle from another hard day at the Evil Office, ready to do the Vader equivalent of taking of his coat and grabbing a beer to watch the game (spending 13 straight hours getting his organs taken out and put back in in Fun New Ways) only to be confronted with. his actual mother? what the fuck. I bet he just stares at her for ten minutes and the instant she does something to prove she’s not another hallucination he straight-up collapses.

achairwithapandaonit
anonymousdandelion

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